NEW YORK—According to an alarming new study published Monday in The Journal Of Applied Behavioral Science, the time-honored American activity of swaggering, an extremely arrogant manner of walking, has dropped by nearly 90 percent since 2007.
"Our research indicates that American swaggering has dropped to levels drastically lower even than those reached during the savings and loan crisis of the late 1980s," said Dr. Lionel Macleod, a New York University behavioral psychology professor and lead author of the report. "Sadly, a brash, wide-legged gait accompanied by an overconfident smile and one jauntily raised eyebrow may soon be a thing of the past."
"I'm swaggering harder than ever just to keep up appearances, but I think people can tell that my heart isn't really in it anymore," said Staten Island, NY resident Vincent Reda, his insolent smirk betrayed by a certain sadness in his eyes. "With the country in the shape that it's in, I just don't know how much longer folks like me will be able to hit the streets and really shove it in people's faces with arrogant walking."
"It's scary to think about where this country is headed," Reda added. "Being huge, conceited jerks is all we know."
