Monday, December 1, 2008
Plaxico shoots himself in the leg.
Yo man seriously.. you get to play f@cking football for a living.. What exactly is your problem with that?
For the greater good.
Attn adults- if u own anything like the above pieces and none of your friends have pulled u aside for a "timeout talk" then its time to take a close look at your crew.. Have u lent any of these "friends" money recently and haven't gotten it back? Have they "borrowed" your girlfriend for a few days? Look I'm gonna be honest with you, not on some "I'm better than u" shit.. Im dancing at the edges of jackass myself. In fact I've had a mullet that was permed when I was 19. I rocked a fanny pack. It wasn't until one of my good friends sat me down that I got a clue.. (eliminating certain drugs also helped.) So I'm reaching out to let u know u look like a walking ad for abstinence. A purebred straight up and down douche. Admitting it is the first and most important step, and quite frankly is admirable. Lets call it a moment of clarity.. Next comes the action steps and inlvolves heading to your closet and letting out all of your pent up aggression from not getting laid. Get rid of anything that looks remotely like the above. Moving forward, lets keep it simple with the following: no skulls, crosses, old english writing, chunky silver and anything that reflects light.. The rest is up to you but let me assure you things are looking up.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Dear God.
Dear God,
I'm guessing your extremely busy analyzing every thought/prayer and intention of every human on the planet but can you spare a moment of your time. I don't mean to imply you've forgotten to turn the temp down in California but we are 48 hours away from December and I could lay out at the beach today. Ima be honest (assuming that scores some points,) I'm OVER it. I wanna feel the chill in the air, I wanna wear some of these damn winter clothes, I wanna buy wood at Vons. Maybe your not so hot (pun intended) on us out West with our "gay marriage" fights and that devilish "open mindedness" thing but can we get some slack. I'm not asking for a blizzard.. just cold enough to have to put the heat on in the house. Cold enough to rock this dope Nike sportswear bubble vest without looking like a jackass. I'm willing to give as well.. Ill even take a look at this whole "evolution" thing... I'll even start preparing for the end of days, at least for the winter.... as long as i can see my breath...
I'm guessing your extremely busy analyzing every thought/prayer and intention of every human on the planet but can you spare a moment of your time. I don't mean to imply you've forgotten to turn the temp down in California but we are 48 hours away from December and I could lay out at the beach today. Ima be honest (assuming that scores some points,) I'm OVER it. I wanna feel the chill in the air, I wanna wear some of these damn winter clothes, I wanna buy wood at Vons. Maybe your not so hot (pun intended) on us out West with our "gay marriage" fights and that devilish "open mindedness" thing but can we get some slack. I'm not asking for a blizzard.. just cold enough to have to put the heat on in the house. Cold enough to rock this dope Nike sportswear bubble vest without looking like a jackass. I'm willing to give as well.. Ill even take a look at this whole "evolution" thing... I'll even start preparing for the end of days, at least for the winter.... as long as i can see my breath...
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving.
When we let go of our battles and open our hearts to things as they are, we rest in the present moment. That is the beginning and the end of spirituality. Its impossible to not feel gratitude and peace there. Lord knows I spend a lot of my life trapped in my brains perception of reality as if it were everyones, which is both ignorant and naive. Thanksgiving reminds us of whats important. The trick is being able to hold onto it after the pumpkin pie. Its not about trying its about allowing. Now if I can only remember that.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Rock went limp.
Don't even think about fronting. At some point you freaking loved Limp Bizkit. It was most likely around the time they put out the Faith remix and it lingered throughout their Significant Other album. Sure after that it all stopped, but for a moment in time they were the shit and nobody could fuck with them live. This is the part thats tough for alot of people to admit- Fred Durst was a monster frontman... well, when he was onstage at least... offstage shit got a little shaky but when they hit the stage it was like a punch in the face. Just watch this shit at Woodstock.. who does this now? NO ONE. Sure one could argue that they were a poormans Rage Against the Machine but who cares. Rock could use some of that energy right about now. Nobodys angry anymore.. they are all stuck in some type of permanent photo shoot trying to date one of the chics from The Hills. I want the good old days when there was a decent chance Axl Rose was gonna jump in the crowd and kick you in your face with his size 12 Doc Martins because hes been up for 3 days on coke. Thats rock and roll..
WARNING TO ANYONE OVER 14
If you have hit even the early stages of puberty and dont live in Japan this is not acceptable. Your chances of getting laid will diminish greatly.
Small Talk
"Hey how bout this weather", "Man i need my coffee", "Almost Friday".. Is it just me that feels extrememly awkward with small talk. Its like a program in our brain that kicks in when the walls shrink around us and someone we "kinda" know.. Think about it. Are you even "there" during these conversations at the urinal. I dont know about you but I can have a whole conversation about the "rain" while at the same time thinking about how many more days till I'm in Cabo. Is that dickish or normal? Work elevators are ground zero for this shit. I just got done talking about "my beard" with someone I barely know on the 2nd floor. When it got silent I went right to the "weather" without blinking.
Vrrrooom. Prius Envy
Hondas hydrogen concept car. Its not that Im mad at the Prius, I just think its time theres another viable option. Question: Is their a Prius in CA that doesnt have an Obama sticker on bumper?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Make it stop: Dear Greedy Genius
Dear Greedy Genius,
Please stop. Your are the Ed Hardy of footwear and the fact that velour FUBU sweatsuits are about the only thing you could rock with these should sent up a flare that the game is over. These should be sold at 7-11 next to the slurpee bar. Take your money and run.
Yo, chill.
I love winter.. The crisp air, the weather, the clothes.. I wait all year for it. A break from the constant perfect postcard california sunshine. I'm sure people stuck in north dakota would like to punch me but I'm over it.. Gimme some hail, I wanna scrape my windshield in the morning, I wanna wear a bubble jacket and some timberland boots. I wanna rock flannels everyday and grow my beard rick rubin style. And not the cool Supreme flannels but some real Sears brand flannels that you wear to cut wood. Fuck it I wanna be too cold. California is amazing in so many ways- the ocean, the weed, the lack of republicans, etc but we don't have any damn seasons. I'm actually excited its gonna be 65 today- that's hardcore for us. We over react out here. A rain sprinkle is a category 5 hurricane and a 65 degree day is grounds for school closings. Ill take it.
New Malcolm Gladwell: Outliers
Im halfway throught this book and its amazing.. Malcolm is the guy who wrote Blink and The Tipping Point. If your into that type of thing I highly recommend this one. Its an interesting look at the paths to success.
The Bench is warmer
The Eagles have officially entered what is referred to as a "dark period." After a first half equivalent of chris clancy at QB, andy reid benched mcnabb.. Fucking benched him in the middle of what was a season defining game against one of the best defenses in the nfl... In their house.. I was immediately torn between a loyalty to the guy who's become a punchin bag for the city of Philadelphia and the need for a shakeup, better yet a gut check for a team playing with "blue balls."-
The end result was a disaster. Haltime 10-7 end of 4th 36-7.. Ouch. Kevin Kolb sucked bigtime. I was looking for a reason to buy into the move but never got one. He played how I would imagine carrie underwood would play if she was in the nfl. What exactly went into the decision to sit the face of the Eagles in the middle of such a pivitol game? Did Donavon make a move on his wife? Make a fat joke? Shit I hope there was something more than a bad half of football. And now that there's proof that the issues run deeper than QB will he be back on thurs against the cards? Maybe he'll bench the offensive coordinator instead.. That all said I'm an eagles fan thru thick and thin and ill be back in front of the tv thursday night (hopefully rooting for Mcnabb)I get the fact that outside of a miracle this season is done and it might be a minute until the Eagles are back in contention. I have a feeling Mcnabb and Reid won't be here next year.. dawkins will most likely be gone as well. For now I go into week to week mode with each game being my own mini superbowl.. If that doesn't work there's always madden 09 where I can always win.
Now this is hot.
Simplify your entertainment setup with the GenevaSound Home Theater ($4,000). This all-in-one electronic-furniture hybrid features a sleek piano-lacquered wooden cabinet that houses a 700-watt amplifier, 7 speakers, a 12-inch subwoofer, CD player, FM radio, and an integrated iPod/iPhone dock. TV sadly not included.
BUY ME
Deppshit: a gem from shanepowers.com
You are NOT JOHNNY DEPP!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even if you squint really really hard in a mirror. You are a clown.
You are not as interesting, cool, original, or as good looking as Johnny Depp. I would imagine Johnny Depp has to be somewhat annoyed at you for trying to fuckin BE JOHNNY DEPP.
Please man, get off Johnny Depp's nutsack.
As nutsacks go, it's a quality nutsack to be hangin off of. But fuck dude. CMON.
for another example of a johnny depp "nutsack leech" go HERE.
Now go get your rubber nose and your unicycle from valet and pedal the fuck outta here.
Love,
Shane
THIS JUST IN: SPENCER AND HEIDI GOT MARRIED!!!
SPENCER AND HEIDI JUST GOT MARRIED!!
SPENCER AND HEIDI JUST GOT MARRIED!!
SPENCER AND HEIDI JUST GOT MARRIED!!
SPENCER AND HEIDI JUST GOT MARRIED!!
SPENCER AND HEIDI JUST GOT MARRIED!!
Upgrade your home phone.. (if u still have one)
Hot cordless home phones come out like once every 7 years.. i assume all the designers left for cell companies.. im not mad at this one
SEE ME
Friday, November 21, 2008
Sarah does interview in front of turkeys getting slaughtered.
WOW. I mean seriously, we all know this is a fact of life but to use as a backdrop for an interview with someone who was almost our VP. Classy.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Dear Rappers, Time to take the cape off
Dear Rappers,
How about taking off the Superman cape for a minute. Over the last 5 years its been rammed into our brains that you are super rich, get the baddest chics and clearly dont give a fuck. Not sure if you noticed lately but its not working that well anymore. Sure the Internet and the fact that the CD is about as cool as a PT Cruiser doesnt help but lost somewhere in the translation is the fact that kids have left. You no longer represent their voice. We are in a recession, half of America is on anti-depressants and by evidence of President Obama people clearly DO give a fuck. Maybe its time to be human for an album. Humility could do you some good because look lets be honest.. outside of a few of you, your broke. You spent your advance on a leased car, bad diamonds, great weed and traveling cost for 10 of your closet friends. The magic trick doesnt work and the cape has become see-through. It just might be time to take it back to what the genre is supposed to be about: Keeping it "real." If you do, you just might get kids to pay attention again. If you dont, UPS is hiring.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
White People Love Black Music That Black People Dont Listen To Anymore
All music genres go through a very similar life cycle: birth, growth, mainstream acceptance, decline, and finally obscurity. With black music, however, the final stage is never reached because white people are work tirelessly to keep it alive. Apparently, once a music has lost its relevance with its intended audience, it becomes MORE relevant to white people...
From BULLETSANDBRIE
Marijuana Could Be Good for Memory
From Wired Mag: Everybody knows a forgetful stoner, but research suggests that low doses of marijuana could be good for memory, and even help prevent Alzheimer's disease.
When given a compound similar to THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, rat brains displayed reduced levels of inflammation associated with Alzheimer's disease. The drug also stimulated the production of proteins associated with memory formation and brain cell growth.
is there any valid reason this stuff isnt legal yet.. i mean seriously. Not even on the same planet as alcohol
The Present Is The Present.
I saw that saying on a piece of art the other day and it pretty much sums up the most profound thing Ive ever learned.
(Thats my buddy Bodhi by the way.)
Stuff White People Like #112: Hummus
All white people like hummus. In fact, if you find a white person who does not like hummus then they probably just haven’t tasted it or they are the wrong kind of white person. In either case, they are probably not someone that you want to know.
Putting out a plate of hummus and pita makes white people very comfortable. It reminds them of home since at any given time a white person has hummus in their fridge. Even the most barren white refrigerator will have a package of the stuff next to an empty Brita filter.
Other Stuff White People Like HERE
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Just because its that good.
Billy Joel- Captain Jack
Maybe its because music lately, or at least commercial music, seems to be stuck in the middle. Music that may "sound" like hits but sure dont "feel" that way. Music that makes you think or have a moment of introspection is becoming a lost art. Sure I like to lose myself in a mindless escape as long as i can change the station once in a while and listen to something that resonates. Something that doesnt feel contrived.. Ive been looking backwards lately to find it and theres a whole bunch there just gathering dust.. Whether its Zeppelin or NWA.. Its great to remember just how good it was and is
Monday, November 17, 2008
Feelin Civil (shanepowers.com) : this is great.
From SHANEPOWERS.COM
I took to the streets yesterday and practiced my right as a citizen of California to march and show my resistance to this ridiculous, and more importantly UNJUST Prop. 8 ruling.
For those of you that have just returned from a voyage to Mars and aren't familiar with Californoa Proposition 8, it was a measure to ban same-sex marriage. And it passed. By a decent margin. Which is a drag for a lotta reasons. And none of them are personal to my life, but affect me deeply when I see close, personal, Gasp! GAY friends, that have been denied basic civil rights, because, evidently a fair number of Californians still see homosexuality as a behavioral disorder, or personal conduct CHOICE. This is ridiculous.
I have news for you. Living in LA, I have met some of the GAYEST people imaginable. AND I mean fuckin GAY. Half-shirt, jean short, full ass strutting, flambuoyant super freaks, that are happier than a 3 yr old at Xmas, all the time. REAL MEN ISO MEN types, that have spent a lifetime starin at a girl the way that I would stare at a lawn mower when I was 15 and hadn't mowed the yard in a month.
I have been nestled near these "types of Gays" for years in clubs, on the streets, and have been routinely "swooped" on by them in the desperate hope that I can be "had". From what I understand, this is a fun "challenge" for some "sects of gays". I have shared water glasses, pounded shots, eatin from the evil forks of gays, and guess what..... NOTHING!!! Not a gay germ to be found. No desire after spending time with homosexuals to wanna swallow cock. JUST FUCKIN NOTHIN MAN!!
Now, in defense of all the "Evangelical Righties", what you don't know or don't have experience with can be scary. I come from a VEHEMENTLY anti-gay state, Nebraska. When I was a kid, I actually, in my "Ignoramus Period", would drive down with my childhood friends to the "Gay Area" of Omaha, which was all of a whole entire small town block, and throw eggs and shit. Which, I would imagine, be considered "gay-bashing" which absolutely sucks that I was apart of. But to make my point, IT WAS ALL I HAD BEEN INFORMED OF. MY LACK OF EXPERIENCE AND INFORMATION, COUPLED WITH NO REAL CLEAR, PROGRESSIVE ROLE MODELS. It's the human condition to be afraid of what you don't understand. And it even furthers the point, that racism and ignorance are learned, sometimes from a lack of learning. No one is born with these social precepts ingrained, and luckily enough for me, I was able to re-learn from experience, that being gay has nothing to do with a choice. And even if it would be a "choice" it's a personal choice that has no bearing on whether people should have inalineable rights. I believe there are three that every American gets. The right to life, liberty, and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. California is in FULL BREACH of right 3from my fuckin scorecard.
Lemme finish.....
If you are afraid of gay people, purely because they are gay, do yourself a favor and go hug a gay. I mean really fuckin get in there and bearstyle it. Then buy a cup of coffee and ask a trillion questions about what bein gay is all about. LEARN from each other's differences, have a communicative dialogue about your fears, and maybe open your ears to their struggle...... I think it's called....
bein CIVIL.
Prince apparently isnt feeling gay marriage.. his outfit however, is
When the New Yorker asked Prince about his thoughts on gay marriage and adoption, Prince "tapped his bible" and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’
He seems to be at odds with his outfit which is currently protesting outside the Mormon temple in LA..
Eagles 13- Bengals 13
A f@ckin tie? what is that!? I'd rather flip a damn coin at the end, shoot darts, arm wrestle, anything as long as someone wins.. Im not even sure what to feel. We currently sit at the bottom of the NFC East with a not so bad in any other division
5-4-1 but the light at the end of the tunnel looks a little dim right about now.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Joes writing a book. Should be AWESOME
In a somewhat predictable move, Joe The Plumber, aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, has signed a book deal. Joe told Fox News that he was "broke," but still took time in considering his publishing house because he wanted to spread the wealth around. Out Dec 1.
Im really looking forward to his insight.
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